Arrrrggggghhhh I could scream if it wouldn't involve waking up everyone in the house. It's almost 4am and I'm here, wide awake having not yet been to sleep. It's so frustrating being reliant on medication for everything and then forgetting. So this last two weeks I've been ill with a chest infection again. I've been… Continue reading Cant sleep won’t sleep
I have to remember on nights like today how far I’ve come. It’s hard because today I had a lot of things to do, a lot of places to be and lots of people to meet and I was overwhelmed from the moment I woke up. Instead of clearing my head, prioritising those things that… Continue reading Relapse of worry
I made it, I can't tell you yet that I enjoyed it or that I got anything out of it, but I did it. I came home actually feeling less positive and more helpless. I spent the whole group trying to answer questions in the right way, because it's a group. I don't want to… Continue reading Group therapy: week 1
Thinking thoughts of terror Usually underlying insecurities Constantly changing choices Harmful hasty hazards Watching, waiting, worrying Feeling forever judged Fearing, forgetting frequently Lost, lonely, laid awake She slips silently away, straining Eternal exhaustion eats away Broken bluntly at the bottom Potentially poisonous plans Recurring reactions & responses Daunting dangers of the day ahead Impressions of… Continue reading Just thinking
Last night I was in torture Wondering when the thoughts would end My mind just wouldn't switch off And was driving me round the bend I felt so tired & frustrated All I could do was cry But then in public smile away I worked hard on that to try Laid in bed I couldn't… Continue reading Day by day!
On Thursday I completed my 3rd week in a row of work (my new part-time hours). I hadn't managed this since my diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder in January of this year. As a celebration this lovely lady, my bestie, Alex, invited me up for a spontaneous weekend in Peebles. I was anxious so… Continue reading Looking back 25 years & the signs were always there – EUPD, BPD & Anxiety
This morning I woke up feeling a little anxious. I couldn’t work out why & once I’d told my manager & she had agreed to me starting late, I was actually ok & headed into work on time. As the day went on the anxiety didn’t seem to lessen & on my journey home I… Continue reading Missing my time at home for recovery