I have to remember on nights like today how far I’ve come. It’s hard because today I had a lot of things to do, a lot of places to be and lots of people to meet and I was overwhelmed from the moment I woke up. Instead of clearing my head, prioritising those things that… Continue reading Relapse of worry
I made it, I can't tell you yet that I enjoyed it or that I got anything out of it, but I did it. I came home actually feeling less positive and more helpless. I spent the whole group trying to answer questions in the right way, because it's a group. I don't want to… Continue reading Group therapy: week 1
Tomorrow I meet my new CPN and I have to admit I'm quite nervous. I've been stable and reasonably well for some time now. Of course I've had the odd off day, but overall I've been coping well. I'm so worried that if it's not as I expect, it will throw me off. I shouldn't… Continue reading My new CPN starts tomorrow
In my support group last week, we talked about the attachment issues. As someone with borderline personality disorder I would acknowledge this has always been an issue, but it's only when you focus on it you can see the pattern. I do however have a massive issue with rejection, an irrational fear of losing people,… Continue reading I can’t believe I’m losing someone else
The scariest thing about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), is how quickly it can change, in days, hours or even minutes. I can and do spot trends. After a build up of extreme highs, comes the lows. Often the higher the high, the lower the low and I'm told regularly that until I receive the tools… Continue reading From my toes to my nose – the highs and lows of BPD
After 10 weeks my eardrum should have healed, but has it? No! It did seem to be getting better, but somehow over the last couple of weeks it's become infected again & now it feels like the whole process is starting again, and my anxiety just makes that worse. I put off going back to… Continue reading Should my physical or mental health come first?
When we suffer from all kinds of mental health problems, it can change us, often into people we don't want to be. What I also need to say at this point is that right now I'm in a great place, so if you're reading it, please don't think I'm wandering down the dark staircase, it's… Continue reading I don’t always know how to behave – that’s what a personality disorder is, but I promise I’m trying!