anxiety, Bereavement, blogging, Borderline Personality Disorder, mental health, purpose, recruitment, therapy

I wanted to be a writer when I grew up & more

The other day someone asked me what I wanted to be when I was younger. It was a group chat, part of #femalesuccesshub & I just avoided answering, because it seemed silly.

I wanted a family before anything. Living in a variety of addresses at 16 had left me with a chip on my shoulder thinking I was the black sheep & then blaming others when I became it. I’ve always worked hard. I’ve worked everywhere, but I always give my everything. I don’t do half measures & when my mental health illness plays up I jump before being fired.

But getting back to the original question, I soon realised, however little, I am doing that now. I am writing. I’m blogging. The problem with Borderline Personality Disorder (I say it like there’s only 1), is that little is never enough. A couple of my blogs have been published by mental health sites including Time to Change. I was interviewed on BBC Radio Sheffield & Sheffield Live & have had 2 nominations for awards. What does this tell me? It should say “Well done, slow & steady”, but each time I achieve something I want more

  • I would love to have one of my blogs published or write an article for a national newspaper
  • I’d love to start hitting 1000 views per day to my blog regularly
  • I’d love to share my story & the slog & despair of long waiting lists of up to two years
  • Id love to win a blogging award

And yet with my rational head on, I was diagnosed in January & started blogging towards the end of February. I have 2 children, a wonderful husband, a part-time job at a social & digital inclusion charity which I love & am slowly, in just over 4 months coming to terms with the fact I have a life changing mental health diagnosis. There is treatment, I just have to wait two years to get it!

Today my Clinical Psychiatric Nurse had her monthly visit with me & completely spun my thinking around, telling me how well I was doing & how much good. She really encouraged me that I was making leaps & bounds & with that simple lift, I could feel myself lifting.

Since January I’ve been writing my life story, starting as a child, but funnily enough. You can’t write your first ever book at 4am in the morning over the odd night here & there. It will take years.

Today I want to offer you a few ideas! We all know exercise, getting outdoors, chatting to others is good for us, but genuinely sometimes it isn’t, & even when it is right it can be hard enough to drag your ass out of bed without going for a 3 mile jog, drinking a green smoothie & attending the local baby group

1) What makes you happy & do it whenever you can

2) Find the positive people in your life who will lighten the tension, make a joke, but also give you a hug & a kick up the bum when needed. I know we don’t all have them, or we could have lost them, but find a friend on social media or reach out to your GP the you need support & Friendship

3) Try to praise the good in yourself as well as others. How many bad things can you list that you’ve done, or good things you’ve not done or should have done today?! So what about the good you’ve done… the shower, the phonecall you answered, the cup of tea, stepping into the back garden, getting dressed or whatever it may be

4) Find someone to vent & talk too. I’m sure all my family & friends think that this is them, but actually it’s not the half of it. My two main listeners are no longer with us, so I vent through my blog. Even those I don’t publish, I still feel better for writing

5) Know you are worth it & however you’re feeling right now, & I’ve been there, it will pass, but please please tell someone. Call Sane or Mind or Rethink you deserve to be alive, & not just existing but living & together as communities come together all over the UK and the world, we’ll help each other.

All mental health issues aren’t sorted by having a chat, but I promise you it helps. So next time you see a community event, whether it’s a fare, a wellbeing event or a coffee morning, even if your feeling good, if you have an hour you could just make someone’s day & even save their life

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