mental health

A year in view (summer 2019)

The last time I felt like this was January, before my therapy was due to start and I wrote a few notes here

I’m feeling different, drained, tired, I don’t want to go out, I want to stay home and I can feel it’s getting worse. The triggers are firing at me like little pellets and I’m stuck.

It’s late at night, I’m in bed and got in bed 2 hours ago for an early night and have tossed and turned til now.

How I hate my cloudy head. It’s general a case of emotions flying around and I have no idea what has caused them. I’m anxious, worried, nervous, a little sad, angry, tired, frustrated and feeling weak. I’m feeling very uneasy and it doesn’t sit well with me.

Tonight I snapped twice at people I didn’t need to. It’s been a long time since I’ve said to people,,, I’m sorry I’m really edgy. But it’s happened 3 times this week. And of course this is the time my CPN is on holiday and my therapy is on a break.

Hands up… struggling… massively if I’m honest. I wish right now mum was here so I could just run through my feelings, talk out loud. We’d share a brew and a hug. She’d probably stroke my hair. I’d do anything for a glass of wine with Kirsty, to laugh and cry watch rubbish tv. I miss them. I’ve accepted they’ve gone but I’m still sad.

I’m losing my resolve, my confidence, my perspective and I feel lost.

I feel like I need to stop, catch my breath and

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