We’re just back from a truly wonderful holiday on the Greek Island of Corfu. We had 2 weeks of sunshine & relaxation. It was heavenly. I can’t say I didn’t have my own ups and downs, but overall it was definitely one to remember, for all the right reasons.
The beautiful sunsets were breathtaking
Having 14 nights away was certainly a challenge in itself, I had only stopped smoking a couple of weeks before, and having been in therapy twice a week, to simply be let go & able to just be was harder than I had anticipated. But I did it… still smoke free … 15 weeks today!
The first couple of days were fabulous, settling into our new routine. No alarm, a simple breakfast, followed by a leisurely day around the pool. We seemed to finish each evening with a cocktail and game of cards watching the sun go down.
I was soon back to my love of reading crime thrillers, making my way through 7 before the holiday was over.
Because I work from home, I’m used to planning periods of time on my own. It’s part of my recovery and really important for my head space. I really struggled to be with everyone 24/7. We had 2 separate bedrooms, but it didn’t stop my cloudy head becoming cloudier on those days were my inner critic was out in full force. I know that was definitely a factor.
We’ve all had the voice, the one that tells us that we’re being judged, we should drink more, drink less, laugh more, talk less, join in, but not be embarrassing, don’t shout at the kids, mNe sure you’re not letting them annoy others by being too loud. A few days in, without my usual newly found DBT techniques (dialectical behavioural therapy) I was slipping back to my old ways.
I could feel the eyes rolling as they looked at me, churning their judgement at each minor move I made. My kids were too noisy, too mardy, too sad, too naughty, too tired, eating junk, too much pop or ice-cream, not polite enough… and the list went on. I had to take myself back to my room one day and spend the day reading. Just calming myself and finding my way.
It hadn’t helped by missing those who back home I chat to daily. I missed my daily meditation app, I’ve trained myself to use that (I will be working on doing it without too from now on).
My girls; top Laila, bottom Millie
Just in time for the last few days I settled back into the relaxed state of mind I had started the holiday with. I was back to sleeping and reading without questioning every look or comment. I have so many more challenges to overcome but I made it and I’m back to therapy next week. I really can’t wait!
I’m not where I want to be, but I’m so much further than I was.
Here’s some gorgeous holiday pics 
sarahsthinkingagain 