As I consider another aspect of my DBT, Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, the light bulbs are pinging everywhere.
For a long time now, I’ve walked around with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I’ve felt hard-done by and that the kids are hard done by due to not having as many people close to them, calling them. You know the kind of thing I mean, family who come along to football matches, or call them up in the week to see how they are.
Due to my medication I’m unable to drive a lot of the time, and when my anxiety has been bad I’ve not gone out of the house at all. The girls have gone weeks on end with only me, a messed up me, to talk to, see and look up to. It’s no-ones fault, we lost my husbands parents just after our youngest was born and my dad lives over an hours drive away. I should make more of an effort with my sisters, sister-in laws, step-dad etc. I should phone or FaceTime more my dad or my friends who live in Scotland and London, but anyway I’m getting off the point…
What I’ve learnt is that I’m allowed to be angry about situations. Im allowed to be sad, and frustrated, with myself and others. But guess what… as most of you probably know already… it is what it is… it can’t be changed… hence radical acceptance.
The biggest indicator of this for me was during mindfulness exercises. At some point during every group session (and we practice at home) we take part in a mindfulness exercise. I used to hate them. I’d constantly have my mind flooding with thoughts, being distracted, feeling unable to concentrate. But I soon learnt I wasn’t “getting it”. See my thoughts are my thoughts, regardless of good or bad, feelings or thoughts, wanting them or not, they are there.., just there… I can’t change them. During my mindfulness exercise I let them come in and then try to let them pass and bring my focus back to my breathing and the exercise. The point isn’t to change them or stop them, but to note them and let them go or pass. I began finding the exercises so much easier. No longer judging myself throughout the 5 or 20 minute exercise. Just trying to be in the moment.
This has had numerous benefits, but also allowed me to start, (I’m not all the way there, it’ll take time), but start to let go. Radical acceptance.
Me: I’m really mad about “that”. Acknowledge my feelings and thoughts. Can I do something about it? Do I want to do something about it? Is it helpful to think about? Let it go.
This has helped me with huge emotional dilemmas and also the tiniest points of when I hold onto something so insignificant really, and it’s only hurting me.
In less than a month this therapy has changed me more than I can explain and I’m going to be part of it for a long time so I can only see things getting better and easier. So excited for what else is to come