blogging, Borderline Personality Disorder, DBT, Depression, illness, mental health, mind, self harm, therapy, Uncategorized, writer

Day one therapy 1 to 1 – Wise Mind & validation

Wow! After just 1 session I can’t believe how much I’ve took away and started to implement. I feel very positive about this treatment and am thoroughly looking forward to week 3 of group therapy tomorrow.

Every other week as part of my DBT, Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, I have a 1 on 1 with my psychologist to talk through my week and learnings. In no way could I write everything in one blog, but as promised I do want to share my experience of therapy and learning as I go by.

So today I want to take to you about Wise Mind. If you’ve ever looked into DBT, then you’ll have heard about this, but if not it’s the middle ground if you like, between emotion mind and rational mind.

Picture for Wise Mind and definition

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been made to feel, not on purpose, that my emotions were “too much”. I’ve always cried “too much”, been over sensitive, over shared, and therefore felt they were wrong, bad, no good.

I went along to my first DBT group therapy in the hope of losing all emotion and longing to become “rational mind”. In my head there were no negatives, rational, logical, intellectual thinking with reason… I even asked in the group… “how can I become rational mind? I don’t see any negatives in it”.., and it was the response that shocked me. Those in the group wanted to re-train their emotions, but no-one wanted to lose them. They all saw the good in what they felt, it made them them, they just wanted to tone down the extreme.

I suddenly realised that there was an extreme of rational thinking are cold, unempathetic, and have little human feeling. Feelings and emotions are there to protect us, keep us safe, help us to connect, make us feel real. Emotions are important. It’s just the extreme I had taken it too was in aid re-training. Even writing this down feels like an ephiany.

My emotions aren’t bad! I could cry writing that! I feel like someone has just given me a high five and said, “you’re not a bad person”!

For so long when I’ve been upset, it’s because of my EUPD, Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder, or when I’ve been angry, it’s just because of my EUPD. When I’ve felt disappointment or sadness or hurt, I’ve been made to feel that it’s because I expect too much or I’m overly emotional. Can you relate?

When actually in my 1 to 1 session, I felt validated finally. I told her some situations that had upset or angered me and she gave me permission to feel that way.

You see for so long, I’ve waited to see if I am allowed to be upset, can I be angry about that? Have I took that to heart? And often limited my response in order to not risk the other person falling out with me. With that said I either bottle it up, telling everyone who will listen that I am fine, I’m not upset, it’s fine, don’t worry, or I explode. And that person often gets a huge over-reaction. Because finally I think to myself, I’m allowed to be upset that my toast burnt, or that you made a snide comment or that you didn’t say thank you.

My feelings are my responses, I just don’t know what to do with them. I can’t change the thoughts that enter my head! (Again huge huge light bulb moment, as I’ve been trying to stop thoughts… I’ll discuss this further later, but acceptance, letting go and bringing my attention back to the present is all stuff I want to share with you as I’m working on it).

  • How to express them
  • How to let them go
  • How to deal with them

So this first learning is this: I still am not in the right place to deal with them, and I don’t have the tool box to work with them, but I understand now that I’m allowed to be upset. I’m allowed to be angry, sad, happy, anxious etc. No-one can tell me how long I’m allowed to be upset for, that a situation shouldn’t make me anxious, or that I am not allowed to be angry. I am starting to accept that my emotions are part of me.

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