mental health

Blog away… it’s been a while

Wow… I can’t even remember the last time I blogged, but as I got in bed for an early night tonight, and was still awake 3 hours later I knew I needed to empty my head

So here I go. This won’t be the prettiest blog, or one that makes much sense… it is simply a vent to empty out all those thoughts stuck in my head.

The last 2 weeks have been exceptionally busy with:

  • Start of dialectical behavioural therapy
  • Handed in my final university assignment for this module
  • Made it to 6 weeks smoke free
  • Had school half term
  • Promoted to regional manager with the body shop at home

This week I have my first 121 with my psychologist, and I’m off to Paris on Friday. A trip I won through work like Barbados.

My head is fried…

So far I’ve been running on adrenaline, but right now I feel like I need to soak it all up. The good and bad, and remember that my priority is my therapy for the next 19 weeks along side my daughters.

At the end of my first block of therapy, my and the girls and Nigel are off to Greece for 2 weeks in the sunshine for some rest and relaxation. We all can’t wait and it’ll be a much more relaxing holiday than Florida, last year. Florida was amazing but it’s so exhausting too. I can’t wait for those days by the pool where the girls spend hours just diving for their goggles and making up games.

In the meantime the next few weeks are going to be hard. I’m learning a brand new role whilst going through my therapy. I love my job and am so excited to develop in this new role too. I’m in therapy two days a week now for the foreseeable, but it’s going to help me to become a better person, a better mum, a better wife, a better friend and better manager. I’m excited to develop, especially when it comes to my emotions.

I had to defer my examination for university. My concentration levels are ok, but with a 3 hour exam I feel it would be too much and my brain may wander to my therapy. The exam date also clashed with a therapy. Hopefully I’m going to take it near to the end of the year, but I’ve managed to get through the assignment part of the module as a pass and for that I’m delighted. On so many occasions I was going to quit, or drop out or try and defer again. It means that after the exam I’m officially 50% of the way through my degree which seems pretty amazing considering.

My medication is the biggest issue right now for me. It’s been increased to help me through a difficult spell and during my therapy. I’m still on a pretty low dose compared to some but it’s still wiping me out. Instead of just taking it in the evenings, now I take one in the morning too. The problem is, once I’ve taken it I can’t drive for several hours and more than likely will drop off to sleep for an extra hour or two. I feel very zombie like at the moment, almost not with it, but I feel better in my head and with my anxiety so it’s a tough call.

I’ve managed 6 weeks without smoking and this along side increasing medication and feeling tired has meant I’ve not just been eating more, but the wrong kind of foods and I’ve been feeling really rotten about it. I’d love to check myself into one of those fitness camps that take of not just regulating my medication, but my meals, sleep, exercise and maybe reducing my screen time too. I know I spend far too much time on this phone.

As I lay in bed tonight I wonder how I’ve made it this far in May. May was as good as it was bad, but now I’m through it and moving on to see what June has to deal my way. Being half way through 2019 seems unreal. I’m sure it was just Christmas!

So as I said, this was more of a journal or diary entry. Just emptying my brain in the hope I’ll feel better in the morning. Maybe even I’ll sleep better.

Night x

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