I sat gently tapping my foot on the floor as I tried to keep my eyes open after a disturbed night, the door knocked and I skipped a heart beat
My night had been disturbed, not just through worry or a snoring husband, but the fact my HRT is still not quite working and the night sweats have been back with a bolt. I woke up, dropped my daughter at school and sat cradling my cup of tea as if my life depended on it. I know I don’t speak much about smoking, I hate it, and it’s something for me to look at in the future, but one step at a time and I smoked more than a few in the hours wait from school drop off until the door knock.
And then she arrived. Normal, not scary looking, or with a clip board ready to make off how crazy I was or am. She was just normal. Within minutes I was talking away, way too quickly and way too much, reeling off a little of my history, with a touch of present thrown in, scattering my concerns throughout, to mention them, but not focus on them, finishing on a little of what’s coming up over the next month.
The biggest part of what she did was reassure me. She was nervous too, she was worried about filling the shoes of my previous nurse, she listened and asked me what I needed from her. By the end of our time together my shoulders were back in their normal position, my breathing returned to a regular pace and a smog of thoughts vanished from my head. I did it. I didn’t postpone or cancel, just faced it, alongside my buddy of anxiety and it was ok. It wasn’t life changing, she didn’t cure me instantly but she was lovely, warm, kind and full of empathy. Everything I needed.
As she left I reassured her that she had put me at ease. I felt calmer and better and now I could get on with the rest of my day, week, life. It hasn’t stopped my recovery or changed it’s course, it wasn’t even a blip, I’ve just sailed through and carried on. Hopefully this is a slight improvement on yesterday’s blog here