It feels so long since I wrote everything down and opened up my head. The truth is, I’ve been doing ok. Sometimes I feel like a fake when I’m handling life, I feel like I need to be struggling to be valid. But I’m not. It may be short-lived, but I certainly feel in a good place.
Christmas can bring its challenges, and it’s not to say there haven’t been any, there’s been plenty. I’m aware that I’ve not gotten to places I promised, I’ve missed people of my visiting list, accidentally and purposely, I’ve not sent any cards this year and I’m sure I’ve missed people when it’s come to presents. But the difference this year is, I haven’t punished myself, not even mentally, for not being perfect and I’ve realised I’m not the key to anyone’s happiness.
You see in years gone by, if I’d not attended a party, not dropped off a present or forgotten to send a card, I’d convince myself I had ruined their Christmas and what a terrible person I was. The truth is, I can only truly control my happiness. If my gift, card or even attendance at a gathering means more than a token, more than them understanding my struggles, then they aren’t truly my friends. My friends understand almost always when I’m unable to be at their party, when their cards are late or unwrapped, when i cancel a big night out and sit in pjs with a takeaway at their house instead. That’s their token and thought back to me.
So if someone hasn’t lived up to your expectations this holiday season, if the gift they got you wasn’t what you had expected or hoped for, if someone couldn’t make something they promised they’d attend, before judging them, or blaming them, ask what their intention was? Think to yourself what could be going on, because more than likely they wanted to do exceed your expectations and just couldn’t.
Christmas is far better without judgement and is just about being happy 😃
Have a happy new year xx