Sorry if I’ve let you down today, recently, or ever, there’s lots of you I’m sure, but please know it wasn’t intentional.
Sometimes it’s easier to write to everyone rather than to tell one individual how I’m feeling. I didn’t want to go out last week. One day I had 4 places I needed/ wanted to be. I didn’t make them all. I didn’t do it in order of preference, or choose where I wanted to go most, if anything, I missed the things I wanted to do most.
I worried where I would park, I worried how I would fit it in, I worried about traffic, I worried about who I might see. Then I worried what I might say or do. So I didn’t go. That day turned into a week. A week later and I haven’t left the house except for my medical appointments. I’ve cancelled many things, so many, mainly due to just not wanting to push out that front door, but this morning I did. A friend took me for a cuppa and I did it. No dramas. Hopefully it’s just been a blip.
I just want you to know that sometimes we hear things like,
“If you really cared, you’d be there”
“They are so lazy”
“They are full of excuses”
“They must not really want it”
But sometimes they just can’t, there’s an irrational fear of the unknown, and it’s easier to stay in the house, safe and sound. We do care, I do. We do want to attend all the things we commit too, we just sometimes feel we can’t. Hope you realise it’s not you, it’s me and that I’m trying to get better