Sometimes I wish I could just fast forward to the part where I’m better. I appreciate that I shouldn’t wish my life away, I should attract wellness by thinking of it, fake it til I make it, positive thoughts… etc. In no way am I down, I’m actually having a good week, I just need to hide away today. The medication is being increased again today and it’s frustrating and tiring, but I know it is worth it in the long run. So they next few days can be spent sleeping on and off.
At the moment I’m having a pretty steady time of feeling ok. Thoughts of harm have been far away and not a place I’ve wandered too, which is great, but I’m also still feeling tired.
Sometimes when everything seems to be going so well, I just wish I could enjoy it more. I’m currently enjoying a job that allows me to work around my anxiety entirely. I’m at home each morning when my children leave for school and still home when they get back. I’m earning enough that I don’t need to worry about paying bills. In fact I’m close to winning a holiday too.
This month I was nominated in two category’s for a blog award and I was over the moon. I was also asked to speak at a conference for mental health bloggers. I also put my tree up! I love it and don’t understand why it would upset someone else if it makes me happy? Don’t judge, it really won’t effect you.
My appointment for my DBT assessment has come through for next week and I’m managing to get out of the house, having seen all of my closest friends in the last month, which is a miracle.
I’ve got a gym induction next week to start back with some exercise, I’ve done most of my Christmas shopping and I’m good. My head just needs to catch up, so today you might not get hold of me, today I might be found reading a book and switching off while the tablets do their thing. Be assured I’m not quiet because I’m down or low, it’s physical symptoms this week of the medication change. It sometimes takes around a week but hopefully it’ll be quicker this time.
I really do hope that January’s DBT therapy is going to be a turning point for me. I just think it will help allow me to accept these days rather than feeling I have to seek approval or acceptance, or have to justify why I’m out of service for the day.
Have a great week everyone,