I want to start by saying how much I love you & always will. You are the most important priority in my life & will never put anything before your health & care. You are the most special thing I have ever been given.
I love being your friend, when you confide in me, but I can’t be your best friend. I can’t because I love you too much & I was given a far greater role to protect, guide & teach you as your mum. So I will put parenting before bring your friend, always. So you may not always like me, don’t worry I don’t always like how you behave, but I always have & will have your best interests in my head & heart. Even when you frustrate me & wind me up, I love you & always will.
I am far from perfect, and can only hope to be half the mum I was, but I can promise you one thing. I couldn’t love you more or try any harder. I will give you everything. I know people say they would die for their kids, but I think that’s instinct, I’d do & do do things I don’t want to & put your needs before me. I will in return embarrass you by cheering to loud on sports day, insisting on selfies & mum dancing in front of your friends. I’ll always think I’m a “Cool mum” when I’m not.
I wish you could learn from my mistakes, but you can’t, so make them & know you can always come back to me to celebrate the successes, learn from the failures & cry about the disasters. I will never turn you away, I can’t promise I won’t say “I told you so”, but I’ll try really hard not to. I’ll hug you & stroke your hair.
You are you. You are enough. Everything else I could tell you has a limit, or a perspective, a rating or comparison. I don’t want that for you. I want you to be you. So please don’t think about what’s others what or expect of you, being you is the hardest thing but I will help you.
I will always listen, when I say I’m too busy, tell me I can never be too busy for you & remind me I need to stop. Sometimes I’ll forget. I’m sorry, forgive me & remind me. I won’t talk to you about brains or beauty, but about passion, kindness & self-belief.
We will fall out, we will disagree (please don’t practice your latest karate move on me), I will be wrong & you will be wrong, but I will always support you. (But also I will always be right!) I will try to give you choices as your life continues & compromise when I can & hear your thoughts & listen to you.
I will love you forever. I have done since the day I knew you were growing inside me & everything I do is for you.
My hopes for you are to be healthy, both physically & mentally, to be happy & to be yourselves.
Love you both so much, forever & always (please stop arguing & keep your rooms tidy lol)
Mum xxx
sarahsthinkingagain 
This is such a sweet letter, Sarah! Those girls are so lucky to have a mum like you and I’m sure you’re doing a brilliant job. 🙂
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Awww ruth you’re so lovely. I don’t always feel like it, but then I look at them & think I can’t be doing too badly xxx
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This is such a sweet post!
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Awww thank you so much xx
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This was gorgeous Sarah. GORGEOUS! You are a true credit and them and asset to you. Keep fighting the good fight, your mini superheroines by your side – there is NOTHING that can stop you all! X
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Thanks Zara. That means a lot. I’m feeling positive today.
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Dear Sarah, I came across your blog by accident. You are so brave and I love that you’re sharing through your blog. I was diagnosed with BPD in January of this year after decades of struggle with mental health. (If Marsha Linehan calls it BPD that it’s good enough for me). I am paying ( on my teachers salary for an American clinical psychologist in London and I don’t know how I would cope without her because I was so desperate.
Have you watched the video on you tube ‘A life worth living’ by Dr Blaise Aguirre – an leading psychiatrist in US who specialises in BDP. It is the best descriptor of the experience of living with BDP I have ever seen – even better than Marsha! I felt so comforted watching it and actually felt strongly enough to write to him – and he replied!
So much admiration for how you are coping and for this blog!
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No I’ve never seen it but I will look for it tomorrow. Thank you so much for your kind words! I too was diagnosed in January so it could be really helpful for me too. I wish I could afford to get treatment elsewhere, but without a lottery win I’m reliant on the NHS, which I love but they are just so under resourced. Glad you getting effective treatment x
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I am finding it hard to come to terms with especially as there is so little awareness in the UK. People are either alarmed that there’s something disordered with my personality or they say ‘that’s nothing – everyone has that’! My friend who lives in Bermuda suggested I read some of the articles on ‘The Mighty’ which helped me get some understanding and I also read ‘The Buddha and the Borderline’ by Kiera Van Geller. I love that you’re raising awareness of the condition in the UK as it’s the only way to get more DBT available. I had to wait a couple of months even privately and in London for someone suitably experienced to become available. I’m a teacher so i’m not exactly loaded! Dr Blaise Aguirre says borderlines are his favourite people because we’re strong, we get up and face such an emotional roller coaster everyday of our lives.
Wishing you some peace and lots of strength for the day
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Thank you so much. Yes some of “The Mighty” videos are really good. I’ll try to keep it up & hopefully one day DBT will be more available.
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What a sweet letter to your girls! As a mom, I totally identify with all that you wrote. Our kids need to know often how precious they are!
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Aw thanks Nicole
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