This morning I woke up feeling a little anxious. I couldn’t work out why & once I’d told my manager & she had agreed to me starting late, I was actually ok & headed into work on time.
As the day went on the anxiety didn’t seem to lessen & on my journey home I began to question why. I am quite self aware so I began to question what was different?
I soon realised as I took a moment to pause & breathe, it was that, that very moment, that had been missing. I love my weekends at home, where life is a little slower & there are less expectations & timeframes. I love working from home on Wednesdays & having a day avoiding the busy commute. I love having Fridays for my self-care, however much I loved helped to prepare for the wedding. My routine has changed & I won’t catch up properly until the weekend.
I had a wonderful weekend, but due to how busy it was, there wasn’t the time I usually allow myself to take a slow steady pace to one or two days.
This week is a great busy week at work & it means that my usual working from home day will be a fantastic training away day, full of learning, team building & fun, but it’s a change of routine. I usually have my Fridays to myself, but also this week one of my closest colleagues is having her leaving do so I’ll be travelling into town for 5 days. I’m also really sad she is leaving too. Since my diagnosis she has been a real rock & isn’t just leaving our place of work, but the UK as she’s heading off to study in California. She’s so amazing & I know saying goodbye will be hard.
In hindsight perhaps I could have swapped my day working at home, or booked a days leave to recuperate after the wedding, but hindsight really is such an incredible thing & I look forward to using what I’ve learnt this time in the future. But I have to let go of things I can’t change this time round.
So what’s nice to do, is to look at the positives… I went to work with anxiety, I came home with anxiety & I’m ok. Yey! I can do it. I did do it!
- I’ve booked a taxi for work tomorrow
- I wrote this blog to feel better
- I had a nap, a little refresh for me
- I wrote a shopping list
- I prepared for the away day
- Every day is a new step forward
Now it’s time for some tv & bit of time with these two beauties & my husband ❤️