The GP initially told me 2-4 days of draining & having been back twice, they now say I have to wait until I’ve been on the antibiotics a week, which will be day 10 & then to go back if it’s still draining. The pain is genuinely unbearable and I wake up in the middle of the night to take tablets. I’ve lived off ready brek and mini milks for over a week now which probably isn’t the best diet for getting well either.
My anxiety has gone sky high. Not only do I hate being off work sick, but I’m just laid flat. I can’t even read a book, as the words on the paper hurt my head. I can’t watch tv as I can’t hear it, so it’s just me & my thoughts. And since the weekend those thoughts have been horrible:
- Just give up
- Why do you keep trying
- Stop trying to be normal
- You’ll never achieve anything
- You frustrate everyone
- Your family & friends are so fed up with you being ill, mentally and now physically
- Work must have had enough
- You’re always letting people down
Yesterday my friend was able to sell our Ed Sheeran tickets. I’m so glad she did, but I still feel bad that she’s had to miss out on her birthday treat because of me, but even if it miraculously stopped today, I couldn’t risk a concert at the weekend. I’m also worried that I won’t be well for my sisters wedding a week on Saturday.
I just want the pain to stop, the draining to stop & thegeaking ti start & then I can be busy again and not stuck inside my own head.
Work have been amazing as always & yesterday tweeted how proud they are of me, which gave me a little boost…
I’m so lucky to have them, but I miss them and work has such a positive impact on my mental health. And that’s really starting to take a knock being stuck in the house, & not actively engaging with others or being productive each day & helping someone else.
I’ve become a zombie, I can’t stand up for more than a couple of minutes due to the nausea or dizziness,
So please if you have any tips other than continuing the antibiotics, resting, laying flat to let it drain & a hot water bottle, please please share. Also if anyone has been through this & it’s lasted this long, that will stop me worrying me too! The problem with doctors changing their minds, and the building anxiety, it still all relates back to my last blog.