I’m unwell & being a mardy bum. We all need to vent sometimes!

So today is day 6 of this dreadful perforated eardrum. I was told it might take 2 days to stop draining & 6-12 weeks to heal & regain hearing. I was fine with that. But I panic & get anxious the longer it goes on.

My attractive first attempt at trying to sit up & cover up! I improved it for the Mayor selfie, with Magic Magid!

But now it’s my 2nd weekend doing very little (as last weekend it was just a cold). I have a constant temperature and sweat, I can hear the sea constantly (like the inside of a shell), but that’s all. I have to remain laid down to avoid dizziness and nausea. I’m completely deaf in my right ear and just generally feeling very sorry for myself. So as in blogs I have written before, I worry & become more anxious than ever usual, loss of trust in medical professionals. My rational self says stop moaning, put up & it’ll get better. My anxious, panicking, currently winning inner voice is saying, “Call 111”, “This can’t be right” “Your such a wimp” “Maybe it’s more serious” “‘Maybe you just make yourself ill because you’re unhealthy & unfit”, and there is factually truth in the last one!

Believe me when I say I know I sound pathetic, I’m aware this is a little issue and there is teal suffering out there. I know. The biggest problem is, the longer I lay here and not get any better, the more worried and anxious I become. I just want to feel better. Just be able to sit up and read instead of lay down with my own thoughts. Yesterday was amazing with our #EckingtonWellbeingEvent and I made some of it, check it out here.

I’ve just finished my steroids, for the impact it was having on my breathing, so hoping that doesn’t flair up after 5 days! I’m on day of antibiotics for 14 days. Because I’ve been ill I forgot to collect or send anyone to collect my diazepam medicaryob, and because it’s a weekly script and a controlled drug I can’t get any, so it’s my first day in over 6 months without any anxiety medication. Which isn’t helping. My husband managed to fetch my antidepressants today and HRT which I’ve had to miss for 3 days due to being ill.

Like I said, this blog is a pure self indulgent moan & I’m being a tidal mardy bum, my favourite Arctic Monkeys song. I just needed a vent. I know it won’t be the most useful blog, but I just needed to get it off my chest. So please don’t judge my moaning! Sometimes this blog is for me to just express how I’m feeling rather than highlighting anything else.

Fortunately my dad has taken my kids for the weekend so they aren’t spending a whole weekend around a mum laid up again!

Next Saturday I’ve been I’m due to see Ed Sheeran with my bestie in Newcastle, but as the day as my ear & anxiety gets worse I can’t see it happening and I’m so desperate to see him & Anne-Marie as I said in my previous blog

I need to see my bestie! I need a hug & a chat!

She’s also launching her own business this week, Baby Sensory Scottish Borders, which she’ll be amazing at & I’m so proud of her. So she needs next weekend too! She’s worked so hard and our time together is so rare, plus it’s her birthday on the day we see Ed! So I need tips, hints for speeding up the healing process, stopping the leaking & suitable ear wear if I can go in ear defenders I’ll try! This might be something to focus on positively over the next day or two!

2 weeks today, my gorgeous sister gets married too and my beautiful little girls are bridesmaids. I’ll write an amazing blog after that I’m sure, but I’m even worrying about being ill for that & letting her down! And she did everything but yesterday by basically doing everything physical for me at the event.

I just want to physically be well, not in pain & not leaking out of my ear! Is that too much to ask?! Promise I’ll be back to my happy, sometimes even funny self, once the eat stops hurting!

Sarah x