When some days it’s just not enough

Today should have been a good day. I’ve got up & dressed. I’ve got the children up, dressed, fed & off to school.

• I’ve worked just over 5 hours from home & ticked off a lot of my To Do list
• I haven’t had a “nap”
• I picked Laila up from football for the first time
• I’ve ironed the uniforms did the rest of this week & next
• I’ve made tea, jacket potatoes & beans (not exactly Jamie Oliver, but hey they’ve eaten)
• I’ve done the packed lunches for tomorrow
• I hit 3000+ followers on twitter
• I’ve done the pots
• Helped the kids pack bags for their karate weekend
• I’ve read a chapter of my book
• I’ve listened to Laila reading
• I’ve washed & dried the pots & now settling down with a cup of tea and a boxset.

I’ve not overdone it, or done nothing. I good balance. And yet… I feel anxious, scared & not good enough. I feel tired, sad & down. My inner critic is full of:

• There’s still ironing to do
• You haven’t walked Oscar
• You have done the rest of the washing
• You should have eaten better
• You should have done some exercise
• Why are you anxious? You must have done something wrong!
• You haven’t hoovered today
• Why can’t you just be happy?

Some days this stuff doesn’t bother me, other days it eats away at me. Sometimes when I blog I just feel a release. A release from my head, emptying out my brain from its thoughts. It’s not a cure, but a distraction. I do it for me, but if someone else reads it & realises they aren’t alone, then I’m glad I’ve shared.

I’m taking notes from my daughter for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a new day & I’m ready for it. Some days I feel like I can take on the world. Today just wasn’t one of those days. Tomorrow I will start fresh & do my best & try again. But tonight I’ll go to bed knowing my girls are both smiling, having had a good day, looking forward to an exciting karate celebration weekend! They are the bad ass karate kids & they’ll love it!