mental health

Noise when you need quiet, it’s an anxious day for no reason

Some days, today is one of them, and all I can hear is conflicting noises. I don’t mean voices, I’m fortunate that so far I’ve never heard voices, except mine own inner critics, of which there are often many, too many. But I mean I hear every noise like some superhero with a power I don’t want.

  • I can hear the kids on their tablets, all in different rooms, with different programmes
  • The dog in the kitchen pacing like he’s pounding the floorboards next to me
  • The traffic outside which I barely notice, today sounds like I’m the city centre
  • The scraping of cereal bowls & the pouring of drinks
  • I can hear every light switched on and off as if hammered into the wall
  • My inner voice telling me to stay in bed I won’t achieve anything
  • My other inner voice telling me to get up, make a cup of tea & try & sit & be calm

I’ve done the latter! I’m up and dressed which is a start but I need quiet. I can hear my anxiety & feel it in my stomach today. I don’t know why. I don’t know why today is different, why today picked me, or I picked today, but I’ll be sensible. I can work from home. I can work in the silence & once I’ve finished I’ll try to catch up with the noises & see if I can settle into them.

Some days are just bad days, todays one of those, but I won’t lay in bed & I won’t let it ruin me. My kids are both up, dressed, fed & have gone to school. I just won’t take chances or probably step out of my comfort zone. Hoping to prepare for a better day tomorrow.

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