mental health

12 year wedding anniversary Celebration

I don’t know how to celebrate wedding anniversaries & this year I’m on my sisters hen do, but for all it’s worth, I’m so happy after everything we’ve been through that we’ve been married since 6th May 2006. We met on May 10th 2002, so give it a few days and we’ve been together 16 years.

We’ve both had to support each other through the loss of a parent. Nigel lost both his mum & Dad. Are we nurses my mum & his dad through cancer. We’ve had some terrible times & so many of our wedding guests are no longer with us

However, what we do have, is amazing children who we constantly moan about or are on their backs about cleaning their rooms or brushing their teeth at night. “Don’t do this! … Don’t do that!” And yet ultimately they are both amazing kind considerate girls, growing up, having being through a lot of the same bereavements. They are strong resilient children & we’ve raised them. We still have my step-dad Mark who loves & treats my kids as his own. We have my dad & his wife Sian who has particularly been able to offer advice as she works for Mind. I’ve got 2 beautiful supportive sisters & lots of friends

Over the past 3 years Nigel has had to put up with more than most could handle. With my recent diagnosis in January this year, but even in the 3 years prior he’s been at times more like a carer.

I think it will take a “well” or “better” sarah to believe he loves me & is with me because he wants to be. Don’t get me wrong, he never gives me any reason to doubt his commitment & love. Quite the opposite. But with my condition I find it very hard to trust & am terrified of being left alone. I often qualify Nigel still being here as because I helped look after his dad, because we have kids, because we couldn’t afford to separate. But I think one day when I’ve had my DBT & have a new way of thinking, I’ll believe whole heartedly that he loves me & wants to be married to me. That’s the day I’ll think of here someone say “he’s punching” or “he’s lucky to have you”. Not because I want to be better than him but just to be equal & give him back all he’s given me.

Love you Mr Cardwell xxx

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