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There doesn’t have to be a down if you can control the up – Stability

I won’t lie to you, Florida was amazing. Both Orlando & Sarasota were incredible for different reasons & as a family we know we’d all love to go back.

The anxiety & build up before I went was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I suffer with anxiety a lot, but I was convinced I was going to ruin the holiday of a lifetime for my children & husband, which had all come from inheritance from my mum passing away. I put myself under so much pressure & I knew that, but I couldn’t help it.

Apart from a wobble boarding the first plane & a few anxious days, which I think anyone would have given how busy Orlando and the parks were, I was OK. In fact more the OK. I was me. I was comfortable, content & date I say happy.

In the days leading up to leaving I began worrying about my dip, the end of the rollercoaster high & how I was going to deal with the inevitable drop & not wanting to leave the house or do anything. I even blogged about it here

But then I decided I wasn’t going to ruin the last few days of our family holiday & I cracked on.

When we landed at the airport early Monday morning (it will be 2 weeks tomorrow), I felt OK, well cold, but OK. We headed for the train and then taxi home. Getting home from a holiday for a mum is usually the worst. Our organisation skills kick in but we dread that laundry pile. But I didn’t. I emptied all 4 suitcases within the hour, nearly piling up clothes that hadn’t be worn & putting the darks, colours & whites in desperate piles if they needed washing. They were huge piles and that didn’t freak me out either.

The girls headed to school the next day & Nigel & both went back to work. I was excited. Being away from such a busy exciting work place, lots can change & I was looking forward to seeing everyone. I even got the bus there.

And so it’s continued, even with my mums 3rd anniversary of her passing, I was ok. I had my first ever psychiatrist appointment at which I didn’t cry, I had started feedback meetings at work to improve on what I was doing & I went out with friends at the weekend.

And once again I’ve had another stable week

I know it may not last forever, but I’m becoming much more optimistic. I believe that the coping strategies I’m putting in place are helping, blogging is helping & I’ve found a renewed relaxation in reading. Zoning out to the latest book of which I’ve read 2 so far in 3 days, has helped me with sleep & relaxation instead of playing on my phone because I can’t sleep.

I have to remember that a 3 week holiday will have contributed to my new found inner strength. But my inner critic has been quieter & I’ve heard another inner voice just saying, ” you can” or “you will”. It’s new & I like it.

What I’ve learnt most is that there doesn’t have to be a down if you take some control of the up & I’m consciously thinking about my mood and balancing it all the time.

Here’s to having another great week & hope you all do too. Thank you once again for following. Your comments, tweets & shares also hold that special validation that I need so often.

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