Borderline Personality Disorder

So Orlando… I’m doing it

Wow! I can’t quite explain for me how amazing it’s been so far. The kids, except the odd tired tantrum are loving it & so are we. So you can do it, it’s hard, you need to plan, be kind to yourself & take the support of others. But all the worries & fears & I’m living them.

I’ve overcome so of my biggest fears:

  • Large crowds (& I mean large)
  • Letting go of pretty much all planning control
  • Queuing for hours
  • Rollercoasters
  • Small spaces
  • Being away from home for so long
  • And so many more

I can’t say it’s always been easy, I’ve had more than a few bad times, but I’ve dealt with them.

  • We left a park earlier than planned as I was quite overwhelmed in the heat & the crowds. But the kids had been on lots of rides & then went to the hotel pool so I went to bed for a read & a sleep

  • Universal I went on some of the rides in scared of (I’m building up to the big ones), but conquered the queues

  • I’ve tried to not care what I look like. I’m bigger than I’ve ever been & I’ve gone out each day with no make-up just screen. I’ve worn swimsuits, vests & shorts & after the initial 2 minute freak out in the bathroom alone, I’ve ensured the kids have heard me talk about how happy I feel & comfortable, rather than maybe the way they’d usually hear me moan about my arms & looking fat. I want them to have a positive body image & know that happiness is most important.

Yesterday was incredible & so relaxing & calming for me. We spent the day at Discovery Cove. I’ll write a separate blog on this soon, but wow. I was so anxious free for a whole day. It’s like being at a beach

  • We floated round the lazy river
  • We snorkelled with fish & sting rays
  • The girls did loads more with Dad while I laid on a sun lounger reading
  • No queues
  • It rained
  • Oh yeah…. & then we swam with dolphins

You can do it. You can travel & see things & go places. Of course the medication is helping & being honest & Open helps so much. I have to say my husband has been amazing:

  • Telling me to try things without pushing me
  • Taking control of my meds
  • Allowing me to sleep more & do less when I’m struggling
  • And just the odd hug, arm rub or “I love you” has been so helpful
  • I haven’t felt judged at all.

Anyway it’s 3am here & I just couldn’t sleep so I wanted to get something out! Thank you for all my new visitors & followers. See y’all soon

Ps… forgiving myself again for being a bad mum as the girls have no Easter eggs to wake up to! Happy Easter at home! Night x

12 thoughts on “So Orlando… I’m doing it”

  1. Sounds like you are all having an amazing time! I’m so proud of you for being able to enjoy it too. Keep up the good work. You are amazing! Xx P.S Happy Easter

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sarah

    I enjoyed reading your blog and admire your courage as I know suffering from anxiety myself isnt easy and talking about is something that I really admire about you.

    I hate big crowds and queues and anywhere busy. I always put this down to me and my weight and hopefully I will find the strength to overcome these fears one day.

    You look fab and it’s good to hear all the support your husband gives you and your kids.

    Stay strong and positive and keep facing your fears as you have on your trip to Orlando.

    All the best and well done

    Rob McCallum

    Liked by 1 person

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